Our beloved Hall Week is knocking on our door again, carrying with it the promise of timelessness and the fiery power of vigour. With the collaboration with the foxy ladies from Obafemi Awolowo Hall, it is expected to radiate with beauty and ring through the ears of the campus society. However, Katangites have a bad habit of making their own events flop. And we encourage it. it is a great thing, isn’t it? When our Hall Week flops, it is a thing of pride to brag about among our colleagues from other halls of residence. So, let us kindly guide you on this path of self-destruction and give you pointers as to how to go about it.
DO NOT SHOW UP TO EVENTS
When the events start rolling in one by one, please do not attend them. Just stay in your rooms and do more important things like sleeping and making gist with your friends. During the rally with Awo Hall, just remain indoors. Who wants to do rally with beautiful girls anyway, right? More so, we encourage you to skip the dinner which will crown all dinners. Boring, is it not? It is best to just let them get on with it.
FIGHT DURING THE RALLY
Ah yes. The best way to begin the destruction of a Hall Week is to act like unruly anti-intellectuals during the rally, causing a major controversy that will ride on the ears of the wind into the land of social media and transported through the vehicles of social media broadcasts. That is perfect. It will signify the end of something that has not even begun yet. Please, fight and cause trouble. Lil Kesh would be proud. Just like we almost did at Monday’s Personality Lecture, you must create an uproar and allow the whole campus to label Katangites animals who cannot have a fun-yet-peaceful rally at the same time. After all, there is no such thing as a bad reputation. As long as they are talking about you, that is all that truly matters.
So, when you have refused to participate in any of the events, be sure to let your friends be infected with your hideous disease of apathy. Spread the heresy of “hall-week-is-boring” syndrome. When the Week flops, everyone will thank you for it. You will be our beloved hero. If you do not do this, then you are not a true Katangite.
FAIL TO PUBLICISE IT
When the list of day-to-day activities come out, do not help to broadcast and publicise the great event concerning your hall. It is no one of your concern. Are you the PRO? Leave that to Vagner Oyewale Love. Do not do his job for him. He is just one man and he cannot do all alone. He may need our help in publicising the event for the collective good, but who cares? Let him do it and if he cannot do it alone and the Week flops, jokes on him!
GET READY TO BASH THE EXCO TERRIBLY, WE MEAN TERRIBLY!
You know how sweet it is to bash the members of the Executive Council. Wait not for the Week itself to start before you begin to blame them for everything that seems to go wrong. Do not give them the needed support. Leave them all alone to create a perfect Week and if it does not turn out to be 100 percent perfect, rain curses upon them. It would not be your first time, would it?
AS FOR THE EXCO, YOU CAN MISMANAGE FUNDS
Our beloved gentlemen of the Executive Council, in order to make the Week flop, we beg of you, pack the money into your purse and do not spend it appropriately. Buy rice of eight Congo bowls and tell Katangites that you bought fifteen. Who will know? It is not like it has happened before and you were caught. So, you can try it. We know you have been noble men so far and all of some of you have been trying your best to ensure the smooth running of affairs. But we need you to disappoint us this time around. Do not worry, no one will criticise you if you perform woefully.
TAKE THIS ADVICE AT SURFACE-MEANING
If you want your Week to be completely doomed, take our advice wholly without reading between the lines. Believe us, we know how to make your Hall Week flop really hard. We have experience, from years of watching it happen here and in other halls. We think we have spoken.